CeLillianne Green Copyright © 2006
If I put my hands on you in a threatening way
Get up. Get out. Don’t stay.
While there is a reason for my behavior
The reason is not in your favor
Indeed, the reason I threaten you really doesn’t matter
Someone who batters is someone who batters
Of course, the reason may help you understand
In the meantime, I can’t control my hands
Believe me, this is a signal I’m out of control
I’m clearly not connected to my soul
My reason is nothing for you to savor
Please do us both a favor
Believe in yourself and that you matter
Know that what I’m doing is not meant to flatter
If I put my hands on you in a threatening way
Get up. Get out. Don’t stay.
This is a hands-on experience you don’t deserve
This experience will only fray your nerves
If I put my hands on you in any unacceptable way
There’s only one word for you to say
Goodbye.
Goodbye in whatever language you choose
Say goodbye before I further abuse
Don’t wait for the violence to escalate
If you wait, it might be too late
If I put my hands on you, I can’t control myself
I pose a danger to you, myself, and to anyone else
I need help to understand my deep emotional pain
My rage and my anger take me to the brink of being insane
I don’t know what triggers my anger and rage
I want to stop before I reach another age
The problem is I’ve been angry for a very long time
No one seems to care what’s on my mind
I want help. I desperately do
I’m afraid to seek help. Instead, I attack you
If I don’t seek help and deal with my pain
We’ll both suffer from emotional drain
Until I seek help for my deep seeded pain
You will be the target where I aim
There’s no excuse for me to treat you unkind
Saying I’m sorry is not enough each time
If I hurt you once, I will hurt you again
There’s no need for you to pretend
Don’t pretend I’ve done nothing wrong
With me, you don’t belong
You deserve to be treated like a queen
Not with violence or words that demean
Do not accept my unacceptable behavior
Please do us both a favor
Leave.
Leave and do not come back
You should not be attacked
When I choose to get help and clean up my act
If you’re available, I’ll make contact
Maybe then, we can begin again
For now, let this be the end
I’ve said it before and I must say it again
If I put my hands on you in a threatening way
Your life is in danger. Get out. Don’t stay.
“Hands-On Experience” by CeLillianne Green
Copyright © 2006
Recited at National Day to End Sexual Violence sponsored by DC Rape Crisis Center, Washington, DC (Apr. 6, 2006).