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Hands-On Experience

CeLillianne Green Copyright © 2006

 

If I put my hands on you in a threatening way

Get up. Get out. Don’t stay.

 

While there is a reason for my behavior

The reason is not in your favor

 

Indeed, the reason I threaten you really doesn’t matter

Someone who batters is someone who batters

 

Of course, the reason may help you understand

In the meantime, I can’t control my hands

 

Believe me, this is a signal I’m out of control

I’m clearly not connected to my soul

 

My reason is nothing for you to savor

Please do us both a favor

 

Believe in yourself and that you matter

Know that what I’m doing is not meant to flatter

 

If I put my hands on you in a threatening way

Get up. Get out. Don’t stay.

 

This is a hands-on experience you don’t deserve

This experience will only fray your nerves

 

If I put my hands on you in any unacceptable way

There’s only one word for you to say

 

Goodbye.

 

Goodbye in whatever language you choose

Say goodbye before I further abuse

 

Don’t wait for the violence to escalate

If you wait, it might be too late

 

If I put my hands on you, I can’t control myself

I pose a danger to you, myself, and to anyone else

 

I need help to understand my deep emotional pain

My rage and my anger take me to the brink of being insane

 

I don’t know what triggers my anger and rage

I want to stop before I reach another age

 

The problem is I’ve been angry for a very long time

No one seems to care what’s on my mind

 

I want help. I desperately do

I’m afraid to seek help. Instead, I attack you

 

If I don’t seek help and deal with my pain

We’ll both suffer from emotional drain

 

Until I seek help for my deep seeded pain

You will be the target where I aim

 

There’s no excuse for me to treat you unkind

Saying I’m sorry is not enough each time

 

If I hurt you once, I will hurt you again

There’s no need for you to pretend

 

Don’t pretend I’ve done nothing wrong

With me, you don’t belong

 

You deserve to be treated like a queen

Not with violence or words that demean

 

Do not accept my unacceptable behavior

Please do us both a favor

 

Leave.

 

Leave and do not come back

You should not be attacked

 

When I choose to get help and clean up my act

If you’re available, I’ll make contact

 

Maybe then, we can begin again

For now, let this be the end

 

I’ve said it before and I must say it again

 

If I put my hands on you in a threatening way

Your life is in danger. Get out. Don’t stay.

 

“Hands-On Experience” by CeLillianne Green

Copyright © 2006

Recited at National Day to End Sexual Violence sponsored by DC Rape Crisis Center, Washington, DC (Apr. 6, 2006).

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